Forgive me blog, for I have laxed. It’s been about three months since my last post. In that time we’ve had Thanksgiving, Christmas, a cancelled 5k that may have been a scam for money, a cancelled 5k due to bad weather, the New Year, 5 new pounds, and about 27 snow days.

As if that wasn’t enough, the last three weeks in my life have been In(bleeping)sane. I’m not one to bitch and complain about things. I was brought up in a family of “suck it up and move on.” However, we all have our limits and thresholds. Apparently my threshold is three weeks. It’s a bit of a wordy tale, but there’s a point. Trust me. Let’s begin…

It began on the 17^th with a feel-good trip to the church to help with the food mission. We packed up tons of food for the needy and organized it all by type. I spent time with my sisters-in-law, and I was able to help bless others in need. I should’ve seen it coming. My principal says that no good deed goes unpunished.

Week one began with MLK, Jr. Day, which was by all accounts a great day. I stayed in bed all day with Stephen King. Sigh. If you like creepy, if you liked The Shining (the remake, not the original. The remake is so much creepier.), you need to read Doctor Sleep. Grab your Kindle and download it. I’ll wait for you.

At the end of the day, the Hubs ran out to do me a favor and ended up crashing my mother’s car. He wasn’t hurt, but the car was totaled. Awesome. They already aren’t the best of friends.

That night and the following day I lost it on him. I let words fly that should make me ashamed. I really didn’t think we could come back from that. It was on. To top it off, we were now snowed in for the next two days. No school, no plows (dead end, backwoods, last-on-the-list road).

We’d already had 5 missed school days this marking period. The final day of the MP was moved; however, that extra time was now eaten up by those two snow days. The last two days of the week were two-hour delays. Teachers had no choice but to cram tests down the kids’ throats to get grades done. In addition, I had 3 students that had IEPs due the following week. Before I could write them, I had to test the kids. When?! We never have school! So there I was, furiously testing kids with the Brigance for two days. Huge test. Great fun for all. And one student was absent the only two days we had school that week. Additionally, that Thursday night we told my mother about her car. She’s in CA on a trip. It went better than I anticipated, but I still felt like utter crap.

So that weekend I spent writing two IEPs and visiting my father-in-law in the hospital. He’d been there a week already, in and out of ICU, with no real sign of improvement. We also spent time with my mother-in-law, making sure she had everything she needed. She’s not the most…stable…person, so having her husband in the ICU for a week was quite difficult. For everyone.

Week two began with me finally getting my third student tested and her IEP written, and assessing my students on their goals for report cards. We were all exhausted at the end of the day. We had another two-hour delay that Wednesday, but I didn’t care. I had my grades done. And then my principal came to see me.

Apparently, two brothers went home the prior night and told their parents I had yelled and pulled another child’s hair and they were very upset by this. I’ll cop to the yelling all day long. I did it. But don’t you DARE lie about me touching a student. Are you *&@$$% kidding me?! WTH?! I was floored, and really hurt. My principal, being the pal that she is (see what I did there?), made some calls, talked to other kids, and told me not to worry. It was a misunderstanding, apparently. No apology from the kids, though. Thanks guys. Fortunately, a friend who’s out on maternity leave came for a visit that day, and I was able to hold her three-week old girl. I don’t care how crappy life is; hold a newborn. Your life will instantly improve.

The Hubs and I continued to visit my in-laws in their respective places (MIL had a raging head cold and couldn’t go to the hospital). I also had more conversations with my mother about the car, including the one where she told me the repairs would cost $13,000. Excuse me while I go throw up my guts. A call from her on Friday night let me know that they are totaling the car on Monday, and that I needed to go clean everything out. The body shop is closed on weekends. Great. Call for a sub and write plans. And go to the hospital and my MIL’s.

Guys, I thought for sure this was the end of my FIL. He was grey~sweatshirt grey. It’s one thing to watch a family member at possibly one of his last moments. That’s just a part of life, and I’m OK with it. It’s another thing to watch the other members of the family watch their father. That’s what bothered me the most.

And now we’re on week three (are you still with me?). Monday I went in early to set up my substitute’s plans and activities. The school had called a two-hour delay but I wouldn’t be available to go in later. Just as I set my pile in the center of the desk, the call came in that they cancelled school. I wish I was lying.

Hubs and I cleaned out the car Monday in the pouring rain. I was just happy it hadn’t turned to ice yet. Tuesday, after our trip to the hospital (I’m VERY happy to say he was a different man that night. A complete 180.). We stopped by the MIL. I stayed in the car (headache~can’t imagine why) and let Hubs take care of Mom. Remember my comment from earlier? About her stability? Well, because I didn’t come in to see her, she told Hubs that I never cared about her anyway. So twice in two weeks I had people saying things about me that weren’t true. Deep breath. Suck it up and move on.

Another Wednesday, another snow day. Next! Thursday I was observed by my AP, and my SpEd program facilitator. I don’t know about you, but getting observed is the LEAST favorite thing I do as a teacher. I can’t tell you how much I hate it.

I then spent six hours that night writing a submission for a part-time position I’d LOVE to get. It’s a great opportunity to facilitate an online community in special education. So excited! I sent that out first thing Friday morning. Whoop whoop!

Friday morning I was asked to stop in and see the AP after school. That’s usually not a good thing. It wasn’t. Apparently my observation didn’t go well and I now have homework over the weekend. I need to critique my lesson against a rubric, and then we’ll have our evaluation meeting after school on Monday. I now have three days to obsess over the state of my observation. I did my homework, and she’s right. I suck. Sigh.

That was the last straw. I couldn’t be strong and suck it up anymore. Three weeks of this was enough. I was trying to keep it together for the Hubs, but I was just so mentally and emotionally tired. I cried as soon as he said, “Are you ok?” I’d kept the house in order, and dealt with the car wreck, visited my in-laws, and dealt with job stress (I haven’t even mentioned the fact that even though we’ve had 8 snow days, the MD Powers-That-Be aren’t moving the deadline for AltMSA submission.). I couldn’t keep it together anymore.

Remember when I said there was a point? Here it is:

This is us. This is teaching. This is what we do. This is everything that doesn’t get mentioned, as we focus on our job of nurturing our students. We hide ourselves, our home lives, when we’re in front of the kids. We don’t want them to worry. We don’t want them to know anything is wrong. So many of our kids come from homes where things are CONSTANTLY wrong. It’s our responsibility to be there for them, and to give them a safe, stable environment. We don’t want our babies to be concerned about anything else.

These are the things in our lives that the parents don’t see. They send their kids to us assuming that we’ve got our act together, and because we care about the parents, as well as the kids, we act like the only concern in our lives are their kids. The parents trust us with their little one’s lives. We can’t show them we’re vulnerable.

These are the lives of teachers. For the benefit of our students, we suck it up and move on. We often put ourselves last, whether we like it or not. I wish more people understood this, and that’s why I put all this out there. I wanted to let other teachers know that at least one person understands. One person knows all the other stuff that goes on behind the scenes. This one person is behind you all the way, and wishing you a peaceful second half of the school year.